Tim

The following day we set off in the shadow of Timor heading on a baring for Darwin still in good spirits and on previous information regarding weather and conditions, expecting a smooth passage across to the promised land of civilisation and Aussies (not 2 words you normally find in such close proximation in the same sentence!!) The seas continued to swell from an amusing half to one metre into the more nauseous and unstabilising (as if I am ever stable or rock steady on my feet!!) 2 to 3 metre range. This was accompanied by an increasing liability for not only the passengers to be bumped and shifted around but also the furniture, crockery and anything that wasn't lashed as tight down as it would go. The biggest clash of casualties being my backside and the table which although containing a solid marble top and being firmly (or so it thought!) bolted to the floor was uprooted with a graceful slide across the galley and flick of the hips!

Other casualties of this 'domino effect' to calamitism south central included a toilet that would not flush - could have been much worse and/or smellier baring in mind the intestinal tribulations we have previously faced! a broken water pump denying us access to the gallons of that most precious liquid (and for once I am not referring to Guiness!), a halving of our fuel filters due to dodgy Indonesian diesel and numerous other more minor (none of these are really considered major problems aboard the 'Bad ship Lovebird!!') hits and misses!

After yet another disastrously short nights sleep due to the lack of stretching out ability for someone of my proportions - despite the considerations of my colleagues who at times had it much worse! and realising that the tides and winds and just about everything else was against our getting to Darwin having had our progress slowed to a crawl just 130 nautical miles (that’s about 150 land ones) short of our destination we were being bounced about even more than ever and the positive party mood that had turned into the mother of all hangovers was turning as much as my stomach, into the worst nightmare imaginable - and I have a good imagination!!

The one ray of hope on the horizon or rather warship look-a-like was a coastal watch Australian Navy vessel who's link via a patrol plane let us know that we were now in Australian waters and were being watched and from a distance looked after. Unfortunately Captain Incompetent who bore a remarkably uncanny resemblance to 'Officer Barbrady' from South Park in all the worse ways, could not acknowledge that a disaster was unfolding before his firmly shut, but everyone else’s, wide awake (despite the appalling lack of sleep) eyes.

The next day, the seas were higher - now a 5 to 6 metre swell sprayed up and over the deck dowsing all and sundry we had less food and water (now running short despite the lack of general appetite on board) and the fuel was running down as quickly as the slowness of our actual speed towards Darwin. Around lunchtime following yet another non-operating incident of the motor, the ropes securing the now punctured inflatable dingy decided to wind itself around and about the propellor head a few times. The captain, still fiddling about with his knobs (steady!) and dials, was oblivious to the gravity of the situation unfolding despite our drawing to his attention the fact that we were travelling backwards towards Timor and had been doing so for the last half an hour or so! Richard S. gallantly donned flippers and mask in the high seas to have a go at freeing the propellor so we could actually start moving back in the right direction before becoming quite reasonably disenchanted with the idea that a 20+ tonne boat was bouncing about above him and attempting to do so on his head! Rich Mc. who’s always been one pannier short of a full load did likewise and finally Captain Lawrence (known officially in his passport as 'Barry Maxim Bellafontaine!!') did likewise with needless to say dodgy diving equipment for the last turn before we were of sorts back under away again.

By this time and hardly surprising that it had not come sooner, Richards fiancé Nadine had reached new hysterical proportions and was approaching trauma status as the rest of us tried to hold ourselves together - needless to say the boat was also having a difficult time of it, since it had now lost its compass and back awning to a particularly vicious wave and was looking as worse for ware as the rest of us. After calling in the good ship Launceston of the coastal watch variety they agreed to come aboard and take away Nadine and Richard whilst dropping off some fuel for ourselves and a massive tub of the finest stew and taste sensation that was very warmly received. Just in time to considering that no sooner had we tied up and secured the fuel containers than it was time to untie them and rapidly get them into our tanks as our fuel had at that instant run out and we were in danger of stalling and further damaging the engine by sucking in air.

Now refueled in more ways than one and likewise relieved of some of our distress - in particular Nadine as despite all this our main concern was that the personnel involved were safe and sound, we were lead into a slightly more sheltered spot in the lea of the land away from the high winds and swells and the center of the tropical cyclone (these things are incredibly destructive and hundreds of miles wide springing up in less than 24 hours which makes them particularly dangerous!) that had been the instigator for the bad weather over the previous week and who’s centre was now only 50 miles away!!

The efficiency and professionalism of the forces finest was certainly in stark contrast - despite our best efforts over and above our useless self-proclaimed captain and we were all sorry to see them go knowing that we were still not out of the woods (so to speak) yet. Amidst the bobbing around we gradually fell off to sleep only to be woken at 4am with a loud banging sound on the hull and the captain screaming more orders in our third panic stations morning in a row! This was the first time that I had really started to think seriously that we were in danger!!

In the hull of the ship with our anchor now having been cut away we were unaware of quite which direction we should be travelling in - due to a lack of compass and light by which to navigate as the tides pushed us further still in towards the shore. For an hour we heard the grinding banging and crunching of the hull and keel quite unaware of just where we were and what the hell was going on. Then came the order we had been half wishing for and half dreading - ABANDON SHIP!! We each grabbed a small bag and for the first time coming properly onto deck we had drifted several kilmotres during the night and were now only 10-12 metres off shore as the first murky light of dawn came up from behind the sand palms and Australian bush. At last we had arrived in this promised land but not really quite as we had intended!!

Having reached the shore we consoled each other before splitting up - I went 'walkabout' thankfully it turned out in the right direction as the others pulled the rest of the stuff and equipment off the tilting boat that was now taking on water and proving to be a liability in itself. For half an hour I trudged up the shoreline pressing on in the hope that I would come across a damsel de-distresser and another savior now that the good ship Launceston had left us. Enter and Come on down Alan and Faye Davidson of Dundee Beach who were rudely awakened at around 6am by a rather disheveled and smelly Englishman who in true understatement and a lack of overdramatisation explained that we were having 'a spot of trouble' and would be grateful of any assistance that they could give us!!

Returning to the beach with Alan in his beach buggy as his wife made preparations for a substantial breakfast and numerous cups of tea and coffee we bombed around the coastline and were told just how lucky we were! This was pretty much the only house - there was one lodge 10 km further up the shore, along the bay from where we landed to Darwin some 70km away and if we had been washed up further south we would have had to walk all the way up to their place as there was literally no habitation around. There were a few crocs of course!! Not your tidlers either, Australia’s largest croc was captured here fairly recently registering a whopping 8 metres and the one in the Darwin museum from the same point on which we landed of similar proportions was known for chewing the propellers off outboard motors for fun! This of course would not have been such a problem if it were not the breeding season when they are far more aggressive and territorial - we had of course crash landed in the biggest croc area right in the middle of breeding season but at least I had found this out after my lone wander round the creeks and not before!!

In around one hour we had enlisted the help of friends and neighbours of the Dundee Beach community and had now shifted all our equipment and belongings baring the odd wallet, t-shirt and pair of shorts and sundries up to the Davidsons house which was now effectively a quarantine site and that we were not allowed to leave until customs turned up even if we wanted to. They quickly processed our paperwork and we organised what the hell we were going to do next!!

We were all given a 'lift into town' - a mere matter of 80 miles in these parts of dirt then tarmac road and having spotted a wallaby, kangaroo, kookaboro, frilled lizards and iguanas amongst everything else and as we humped and bumped our way through the Australian outback in our 'Ute' with red dust kicking up in our rear view mirror bound for a safe haven and family house of someone from the forces who had already welcomed Richard and Nadine, the enormity of where we were, what the hell we had done, not to mention what we were doing and what we were now facing was slowly starting to dawn. I just hope its not going to get quite this spectacular again but keep your eyes peeled for the bush whacking, dehydrated and death cheating cyclists on GMTV, The Daily Express, Radio One Newsbeat, Somerset County Gazette and anyone else that seems to have featured us in our incapable capacities!!

Until the next time when I can astound you with the tales of hospitality, generosity and kindness that we have received from the locals - lunches, dinners, beers, barbies and offers of help in all manner of ways that have helped reaffirm my fatalist views. Even more so on this trip having been travelling for the last 9-10m months, I am of the opinion that things happen for a reason and no matter how drastic things get, provided everyone keeps there limbs in tact or doesn't come a complete cropper then it is for the best. This is about as far as I want to test my faith and I shall try my hardest to keep safe and sound now that I am on dry land and with no intention of getting off terra firma for the time being!

Best wishes and for those of you who have already sent messages of sympathy, congratulations and anything in between I shall be yours ever faithfully, The Man from the Breach (with the enormous reach!) Albert Ross, the Albatross shining on you crazy diamond (geezer!)